A realisation
It makes me feel really *small* when I visit other people's blogs. I mean, here I am, ranting over and over again about life and my *sad* stories. Seriously, I feel really, really small.
This is one of the example. http://drbubbles.blogspot.com/ This lovely person, is Malaysia's very own Patch Adams. Kudos and all around applause to him. His work is one beautiful work. He works to make other people happy. Imagine the heart that's in this person. No, I do not know him, I accidentally stumbled to his blog while browsing the links in another blog. (Thanks Kak Teh, Atenah. Yes, you know it's YOUR blog. I couldn't remember I came from Kak Teh's or Atenah's. hehehe...)
I for one admit, am a selfish person. Ask anyone who knows me. They'll concur. And how embarassing and sad that would be, if I was to be remembered that way, isn't it? How... mortifying! How... pathetic. Yes, now I realise that watching a movie alone is not as pathetic as being remembered as a selfish person. And being side-lined or 'shelved' (I read this term in Sunday Times yesterday) because you're not pretty enough is not as pathetic as just being an audience to other people's misery. No, I do not see the connection of both either, but what the heck. I just feel embarassed and small at the moment.
I was not a selfish person before this. When I grew up. When I wore the white kimono Abah bought for me, pretending it's my doctor's white robe, holding a scapel with stetoscope around my neck (how bizarre!! a stetoscope and scapel at one time!) performing a open-heart surgery on my teddy. Yes, I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people. Safe lives. I had this wonderful doctor set (now you know where that stetoscope and scapel came from!). I had a microscope set to do my 'research' complete with the slides with specimens. I was prepared to work 72 hours non-stop to make other people happy. I had my future outlined. To be a heart surgeon. And marry a marine biologist (this was because this ambition continued until I was seventeen and that marine biologist was supposed to be my ehem... beloved at that time. *cheeky grin*). I even applied for direct program under MARA to Ireland College of Surgeon! Imagine that!
Today however, I sit in front of the computer. Typing away my hurt and sadness. Oh... disregard the source codes that soon be transfered to machine codes, byte codes, whatever. I rant all day long, all week, about the 'injustice' that's been done to me. As if I'm having the biggest trouble in the world. When tsunami struck last December, I was *royally* miffed because my vacation to Penang had to be cancelled! Gosh! I'm such a bad person.
But, what does this realisation do to me? Will I be a better person after this? More caring. I smile less now compared to when I was in college. (My motto back then was "Smile. It's The Best Medicine Ever Invented". I made a poster and pasted it on my desk. Now however; "Smile. It's The Best Way to Fool Others"). I do not know if I'll ever be that lovely girl once again. I'm being realistic. It's not easy to go back. BUT I do hope I'll be a better person than I was an hour ago.
This completes the blueness of this week's Monday. But... Gosh! It's only 12pm. Half day more to go!!
This is one of the example. http://drbubbles.blogspot.com/ This lovely person, is Malaysia's very own Patch Adams. Kudos and all around applause to him. His work is one beautiful work. He works to make other people happy. Imagine the heart that's in this person. No, I do not know him, I accidentally stumbled to his blog while browsing the links in another blog. (Thanks Kak Teh, Atenah. Yes, you know it's YOUR blog. I couldn't remember I came from Kak Teh's or Atenah's. hehehe...)
I for one admit, am a selfish person. Ask anyone who knows me. They'll concur. And how embarassing and sad that would be, if I was to be remembered that way, isn't it? How... mortifying! How... pathetic. Yes, now I realise that watching a movie alone is not as pathetic as being remembered as a selfish person. And being side-lined or 'shelved' (I read this term in Sunday Times yesterday) because you're not pretty enough is not as pathetic as just being an audience to other people's misery. No, I do not see the connection of both either, but what the heck. I just feel embarassed and small at the moment.
I was not a selfish person before this. When I grew up. When I wore the white kimono Abah bought for me, pretending it's my doctor's white robe, holding a scapel with stetoscope around my neck (how bizarre!! a stetoscope and scapel at one time!) performing a open-heart surgery on my teddy. Yes, I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people. Safe lives. I had this wonderful doctor set (now you know where that stetoscope and scapel came from!). I had a microscope set to do my 'research' complete with the slides with specimens. I was prepared to work 72 hours non-stop to make other people happy. I had my future outlined. To be a heart surgeon. And marry a marine biologist (this was because this ambition continued until I was seventeen and that marine biologist was supposed to be my ehem... beloved at that time. *cheeky grin*). I even applied for direct program under MARA to Ireland College of Surgeon! Imagine that!
Today however, I sit in front of the computer. Typing away my hurt and sadness. Oh... disregard the source codes that soon be transfered to machine codes, byte codes, whatever. I rant all day long, all week, about the 'injustice' that's been done to me. As if I'm having the biggest trouble in the world. When tsunami struck last December, I was *royally* miffed because my vacation to Penang had to be cancelled! Gosh! I'm such a bad person.
But, what does this realisation do to me? Will I be a better person after this? More caring. I smile less now compared to when I was in college. (My motto back then was "Smile. It's The Best Medicine Ever Invented". I made a poster and pasted it on my desk. Now however; "Smile. It's The Best Way to Fool Others"). I do not know if I'll ever be that lovely girl once again. I'm being realistic. It's not easy to go back. BUT I do hope I'll be a better person than I was an hour ago.
This completes the blueness of this week's Monday. But... Gosh! It's only 12pm. Half day more to go!!
posted by Hajar | 11:40:00 AM
3 Comments:
LadyJade, yes you got dr bubbles from my link and I am happy to report that I know him personally. Yes, one swell guy! Anyway, why lah so hard on yourself? Selfish? Listen to my story. Have you eaten mangosteens and durian in the car because you dont want to take them home and share with yr children? These are so expensive here, I have to resort to that, blaming it on my pregnancy hormones then! Have you neglected your children because you want to finish your Patricia Cornwell novels? Perhaps not. But I have...and that's not end of the story.
hallo ladyjade,
it's me, dr bubbles himself. don't puji banyak sgt.kembang nanti! :) i am just a normal chap who now sweating profusely every evening to lose weight ( and to run in boston marathon in next couple of years) .hehehe..
kak teh: hmm.. i guess selfishness is part of our daily life kan? and sometimes that's what makes us human, right? ;-)
iskandar: hello. thanks for visiting. ;-) bukan puji, tapi appreciating. meaning, there's still hope for our mankind. hehe.. keep up the good work.
Post a Comment
<< Home