Miles to go before I sleep...
At times, I feel really 'drained'. Most of the time, emotionally. And, I'd be thinking, "that's it, I'm not ever gonna go through this emotional rollercoaster again!". But then, I realised, life is so much more than feeling sorry for oneself, and thinking non-stop of the heartbreak.
My short-lived experience on things around me, is nothing I guess, compared to what other people are facing. But I do feel, that I just couldn't take it anymore. Then I remembered, God wouldn't give us challenges in life that we couldn't face. He is just and fair. Thus, we are given tests that we could face head on. And then, move on. And hopefully, we learnt something from what happened.
But one question remain, do we really need these multiple heartbreaks just so we can learn to really appreciate when the real thing comes? We also have to think, I believe, that some things are never meant to be. And that short-lived ecstacy was just what it is. It's meant to spice our lives as we move on to different stages in life.
The thing is, I always fail to see things as it is. Not because I do not want to, just could not. When I do something, I do it wholeheartedly. Do I regret it? Oh, yes. BUT then I remembered, if you do things so-so, you will not experience the joy of it. And you'd lost since the beginning. The only thing that disturb me is that, when things happen, I am left to pick up the pieces. And while doing that, I add another barrier sround me. And each time, I am more sceptic than before. No good? Hmm.. time will tell.
Having said that, it's a little disturbing to actually admit, that I'm more talk than show. Reason, I am not that hard inside. I go weak and soft, because that's just the way I am. But when I do, I really mean what I say, and it's not playing games anymore. That is when I'm most vulnerable. And, easily broken.
Realising that, I still could not change. And I still have miles to go, before I sleep...
My short-lived experience on things around me, is nothing I guess, compared to what other people are facing. But I do feel, that I just couldn't take it anymore. Then I remembered, God wouldn't give us challenges in life that we couldn't face. He is just and fair. Thus, we are given tests that we could face head on. And then, move on. And hopefully, we learnt something from what happened.
But one question remain, do we really need these multiple heartbreaks just so we can learn to really appreciate when the real thing comes? We also have to think, I believe, that some things are never meant to be. And that short-lived ecstacy was just what it is. It's meant to spice our lives as we move on to different stages in life.
The thing is, I always fail to see things as it is. Not because I do not want to, just could not. When I do something, I do it wholeheartedly. Do I regret it? Oh, yes. BUT then I remembered, if you do things so-so, you will not experience the joy of it. And you'd lost since the beginning. The only thing that disturb me is that, when things happen, I am left to pick up the pieces. And while doing that, I add another barrier sround me. And each time, I am more sceptic than before. No good? Hmm.. time will tell.
Having said that, it's a little disturbing to actually admit, that I'm more talk than show. Reason, I am not that hard inside. I go weak and soft, because that's just the way I am. But when I do, I really mean what I say, and it's not playing games anymore. That is when I'm most vulnerable. And, easily broken.
Realising that, I still could not change. And I still have miles to go, before I sleep...
posted by Hajar | 2:27:00 PM
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