Abah

He has never been a man with endearments. But he bought me a teddy-bear with a red love on its chest when I was a kid.

He has never been a man with compliments. A life long school years being one of the excellent students is not something to brag about. But he drove me to school to collect my result.

It is surprising that I could not find words to write about Abah. I can write and talk about other things, no problem. But I could not write about Abah. I feel... sad. But Abah, this posting is especially for you. And I pray for wisdom to write exactly how much I love you.

Where should I start?

I know we sometimes cannot agree. But I remember the shared laughter more. I know sometimes, I hurt you by behaving the way I do, by wanting to do things differently from you, and by being hard headed in having my own way. But I cherish the thought that I got those traits from you.

I remember those days, I would ask toys and things so that I will not be left out from my circle of friends. I remember you always telling me that I should not follow others, but to set my own rules and be different from them. I remember you teaching me the value of money. The one thing that you still keep on reminding me. For I know, I'm hopeless in managing my finance, and I call myself an accountant's daughter. I'm embarassed. I remember you teaching me, to get things only when I need to and not because I want to because other people are having it. Abah, I still don't have a pen drive or a PDA. And I'm still using my old handphone, no coloured screen, no polyphonic tones.

I remember you teaching me to find new ways to solve that Math problems. Teacher was surprised because I used theorem phytagoras in Standard 6. I remember when I first got myself my first handphone, you were miffed because you've been surviving without one for the past 30 years and I was still studying. I understood your reason. In my defense, I got pressured by my then bf (it was his old handphone by the way!).

I remember you keep on telling us to keep family values alive. To put family first. There's a nationwide campaign on it now. I must wonder, whether you had any say when they first planned for it. :-) I remember I still have curfew until now. I remember those days, I stretched the 6.30 curfew to 7 then to 8. And when I started working, I stretched it to 10pm then 12. You waited for me to come back however late. You can only sleep peacefully after all your children are safely tucked in bed. Abah, you worry so much, but that's what make you special.

I remember when I first told you I wanted to move out. You were upset. Disappointed. I am sorry. Believe me, I've never thought of moving out until few months before I told you. Reason? There is nothing that I can say that can be a reason. It will end up sounding like excuses. But, believe me when I say, our family will always be the first in my heart wherever I am, however far. You already instilled that in me, and it won't be lost, insyaAllah.

Abah, we may have our moment of disagreements. You and I are different, but we are one of the same. I will always be your little princess, and you will always be the king in my heart. I love you more than words could ever describe. I may not be able to give you things that I wanted to now, and I may not be able to make you proud of me the way I wanted you to, but I hope in small little ways I do you proud.

And I promise you Abah, the next guy I brought home to meet you and Ma, will be the one that you'd love! (Ameen!!)

For me, every day is Father's Day because everyday and always you are my Abah. I love you!