The Ghost of the Past

If I decide to ignore the past and move on without another turn of the head, I would blindly move into the future. No hope. No expectations. No prejudice. Nada. If i decide to hide the ugliness, bury the disappointment, just forget what happened, I would be a liar, loser and hypocrite.

And, I wouldn't be who I am now.

How is it that we are so strong, we can face disappointment, broken heart again and again? God tests you with challanges that you can overcome. He will not be so cruel and let you fail. He is just. But many a times we forget that. And we drift away.

What happened in the past can make us, or break us. We have to decide which. The power of being able to choose. It's God's gift to us. But why do we, most often than not, always manage to succumb to our deepest hole that left us hollow? Why do we let ourselves dwell in that pit for so long until no strength is left inside you? Why do we need someone to come along or something to happen to pull us out from that gloomy slimey blackness? Why can't we be strong enough to climb out on our own?

Maybe because we are tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of trying. Tired of making do. Tired of optimism. Thus, surrendering seems the best next thing to do. Or maybe, we just want to let ourselves dwell in the pool of self pity, soak ourselves with bitterness, blanket our bodies with cold heartedness.

The thing about bad experiences, they left us with self-doubt. Where did we go wrong? What went missing? How should we have done it? We somehow put the blame of failure on ourselves. It's good to reflect on what we did and what were our mistakes, but up to a point. There should be benchmark on how judgemental we should be on ourselves. Less, we lose all hope. Since we ourselves, do not believe in us.

Most importantly, did we learn anything from what happened? Most people fail to acknowledge the lessons. They just go and live their lives believing that it's the other person's fault that what happened, happened. And instead of looking at themselves, on the other hand, they keep on pointing the mistakes or the things that the other person should've done, as to not let what happened, happened. They are missing the whole picture.

In any relationship there are two parties involved. Once we fail to understand that, the destruction begins. How can the building be strong when the foundation is not solid? Furthermore how can what we built last when with just a hint of wind, the structure starts shaking, and worse comes to worst the whole thing just crumble? If we can't stand the external agression, on top of that blaming the other person, that's just sad. And if we have learnt nothing after all the years we spent together, or away from each other, that's even more sadistic. Because, we've learnt nothing.

To blame what happened on a moment of weakness, that's just not right. If you're a man, be a man about it, and if you're a woman, you're much stronger than that. Admit that you let it happened willingly, and not because the failure of others to stop it from happening. Be accountable. There is nothing that can happen to us if we did not choose it to be so. UNLESS, it's God's will. And that will only applicable after we've done everything in our power to ensure things to be otherwise. Shame on us if we point fate as the cause.

It's time to face the music. We grow older each day, with every knowledge that we get, pick from our surroundings. Hopefully we grow wiser along the way. More matured than yesterday. If we can make the choice to push that glass of beer away when we're partying all night long at the club, surely we can make the choice to admit that partly, it was our mistake.

The heart knows no reason. Love can have no boundaries. Trust should not be given freely. Honesty should come naturally. Words should be uttered sincerely. Joy does not come from causing tears in others, but true happiness lies in that crack of smile on the face. Love can come, it might go, but we still have to move on. For no one else can take the next step for us, but ourselves. Even if love stays, we still have to move forward. There is no such thing as basking in that bliss that might be a shadow of dishonesty.

Be strong, be brave. Life is so much more than dwelling in that pit. If we've done our best, but still the love goes away, it's not meant to be. And, it's the other person's lost. Not us. There is no use chasing it, or caging it. Let it go. Let it be. I do not really believe that if it's meant to be, it'll come back. For, if it's meant to be, it'll be strong to stay in the first place.

The past is gone. It should be left as such. What happens today shall be the foundation for tomorrow. And today is supposed to be better than yesterday, and tomorrow shall be a whole lot greater than today.

Beauty lies on what we perceive. And what we believe. No one, but we ourselves, should be able or allowed to change that. It starts inside, in ourselves.

I cried, I smiled, I laughed. Then I cried again. It's a circle of life. Ups and downs. That's why I am human. I have feelings. And I acknowledge them. There is no shame in it. Should my confession of heartbreak boosts another person's ego, then so be it. The shame and failure is on that person. For I am strong enough to admit that I am weak.

Good night, lovely, beautiful people.